deceived

Posted

I bumped into you at the coffee house. An awkward moment I must say. After months of not meeting up, we sat for a chat. It seems that you like the new life of yours. You were allot friendlier as our friendship before was only acquaintanceship. Not blaming you as I myself too did not gave you the chance. We chat for long as though we have just met. Started our friendship from scratch, I noticed that you are not bad of a person after all. I've always had the thing for you but the years back then, I was shy.

You beautify the conversation by saying that you were glad we had this conversation and it was nice to see me again. Was that not an ordinary statement after long returns from a friend? But this time I felt that it is not as such, no movie lines or plays had them, he meant it. How? By the look of his eyes. We laugh like we have not laugh before. our smile, so genuine, so sincere. I have never seen you smile that much. I was the cause you admited. I did not agree with your thoughts but just a polite smile in return. You are allot different.

Our conversation did not end in the coffee house, we continued. Hours on the phone, late night texts. Is as though we have so much to talk about. He was someone that I grew fond of. My heart skipped a beat when I get his text message. Was eager to hear from him. Never have I fail to glance through your page on facebook, over again and again. Like most story goes, the feeling of likeness grew but I decided to not go with it. I avoided. I was afraid of what his reply will be. We will remain as friends. I drew the line.

I did not see any of this coming. I was afraid the next time you wanted to meet me but ever anxious to hear you ask me out. I grew fonder of you by the day. Your sweet words meant so much to me. I'm meeting no one if you were so eager to know. Honestly why me? You keep returning to me without a hint of likeness, or am I that selfish to not noticed it. I do not understand. Part of me liked where we are heading to. Your random questions impresses me at most times, never ending nice comments about me, your sincere thoughts about me and acts you do to make me laugh.

I think about you allot lately, I do hope you do the same but I doubt on that.

0 beeps.

what a day.

Posted

I'm back in Penang. It was just 2 weeks ago when I came back. I've got to admit it, the comforts of home never felt so blissful:)









I call it a night.


p/s: I have a presentation on Monday, a research paper due on Tuesday, Calculas test on Wednesday. I do not like being in college.

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another saturday

Posted


31st Nov 2009.







xoxo :)



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trick or treat?

Posted

another weekend passed. I've been doing nothing much. Going out alot. Not doing my calculas tutorials. Oh dear, I've been infront of my computer screen for hours! and the best part not feeling any bit of guilt. I realy need to get back on track. I'll be doing 6 subjects 18 credit hours, next semester to catch up and YES I am determine to get it all done with a HIGHH CGPA. I have vowed!


30th nov 2009








































what a night. goodnight.

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i need caffeine in my blood stream.

Posted

craig david is on my playlist and everytime when i listen to his music, it gives me a different feeling. I tend to remember what happened during dec '07 :)



oh dear so much has been going on lately. Undone essays, never ending assignments and upcoming final exams in 3 weeks. I am only taking 3 subjects this semester, alright 2 excluding Islamic studies. I hate the fact that I do not have a timetable to follow, alot of free time but at the same time, never ending workload. Nonetheless, I just being plain lazy to start on any.

I skipped class today as I was sick, real sick yesterday. I was down with an awful flu and I was literally holding a BOX of tissue everywhere I went. I was dizzy, high? well after the two tablets I had from jichuan, then 2 more active fast I found in my wallet and another after dinner. Came back after a long day at eight, put my stuff away and went to bed. I was awaken by the vibration of my mobile at midnight. Feeling like shit I took another tablet. I was feeling shivering. I had a fever. Verdict, it is definitely not fun to be sick!

The weather is terrible. The sun is blazing, heat arising but I've got a feeling that it will rain later in the evening? yeah it will. Make up your mind alright mr weather. Please reduce my trouble of changing, everytime. And I haven't been eating healthily. Junk food, crackers, and chocolates have been my meals. Well just because the mamak shops and nasi goreng kampung have been making me sick. Too much of them is just no good. I am always hungry. I wanna have home cook food. I think I'll go back this week.

At times I just love life as it is but now, with my nose still red, it hurts resulting in the sniffles I had yesterday, my tummy grumbling, still feeling high, body aching, (I swear it was gym! being missing i-can-do-it-too, I did 100 pounds, 6 sets of 15. OUCH!) I need to go home or a shopping therapy atleast :) oh I've been spending too much too actually. I need to stop!







i wanna go back when it all started. Never had I got to think about what to have for dinner. Never had I got to plan a timetable to follow. Never had i got to worry about friends that misjudge you because you like pink. Lecturers that give you a 18/20 because you just praised them. Oh ADP is definitely a kiss ass program.
I just wanna go home.

0 beeps.

not my day.

Posted

man i feel so depressed :( my headache's killing me. No, I do not have a migrain. No, not having my period either. Just emo. Plain emo.



COLLEGE APPLICATION



My personal statement to be more exact. I have got tons to do. I was glad that I got over one but oh dear, ten more awaits. College application's such a hassel. Have not got my recommendation letters, not progression on my resume and dear dear me, I feel like I have the world on my shoulders. The conselors are not helping. The essay topics are so demanding. College admissions require to know about my whole life.



SAT



That's another pig that I've not tamed. I know that I can so manage this but this rusty brains of mine have been still in a rusting mode. It's time to turn it off already. I hate to regret after all that has happened and know that I could have done better. Oh GOD, I need Thy strength. I'm helpless without you.



BLA...BLA...



I have been pleasing the crowd too much. Can't you stand firm already! It has been a masquerade ball all this while and it's time that the clock strikes 12 princess. Shooo. Go home and wake up from Disney land. Happily ever after do not exist. Waltz Disney should be sued though for lying to kids. HMMPH! I told you. Emo.




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reflection

Posted





i miss those days


Everyone dashed into the dining hall. We were dressed in baju kurungs and baju melayus. As usual the food are placed on the table and the menu for the day was briyani rice, my favorite. We took our seats and waited anxiously for the clock to hit seven-thirty five, the time for break fast. It was the month of Ramadhan, we broke fast together. As I heard the chatter and laughter from my Malay friends, I smiled to myself. I had no regrets I have no regrets studying in a boarding school. My perception about life changed when my mum enrolled me in a boarding school, miles away from the comforts of home when I was 13 years old. "Yayasan Saad Foundation College" was where i spent my five years of teenage life. Little did I know about the life in a boarding school, I left home on my first away from the security of home.


In a new environment, we have to accept changes. The number of students in my college varied from 270 to 300 students a year, consisting of a large number of Malay-Muslim followed by a handful of Chinese and Indians. I had been speaking the English language till elementary school but it became a challege when Malay language was the Lingua Franca in the boarding school. I used to speak the Malay language only in my Malay classes. Apart from that, my first language at home is English. Although it was a private boarding school where the English language was emphasized, outside classes the Malay language was used all the time. I knew that communication was the main tool to blend in with the rest of my Malay-Muslim friends, I learnt, observed and listened closely how Malays spoke the Malay language. Speaking the language as frequently as I could. I did not allow the language barrier to stop me from interacting with my friends.


At times, the many challenges I had to face mainly overwhelmed me. Being human, I wanted to quit and turn back. But then again, I was not ready to face the consequences and slowly and surely I learnt that if I did not push my limits, I would not be able to know how far I can go. There were limited culinary choices- the daily menu were mainly Malay dishes but I chose to be contented and actually liked the Malay food alot. I thought I got over the gender crisis where speaking with someone from the opposite was a taboo, the girls and boys had to be separated almost all the time. For instance, we sat on different ends in the classrooms, dinning hall and have different days in using the swimming pool.


I managed to learn about a new religion, Islam. I participated fully in all the activities in school but I was not involve in any religious events. However, I still found time to learn from my fellow Muslim friends about their religion and culture.


Apart from having some special religious laws to follow, my Muslim friends were exactly the same as I am. Five years have passed, and now if I had to compare myself to any of my non-Muslim friends, I am glad to have had the experience in living with them. I respect Islam and admire my fellow Muslim friends whose devoutness often leaves me ashamed of my own piety. Nonetheless, I did not allow my desire of knowing about another religion shake my belief as a practicing Christian. I still read the bible daily and always use the bible as my guide line. I know now that I can live in any environment with people from any religion.

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